Hi guys quick update on my life which just proves to be sad over and over again. So I haven't liked anyone in about a year and half? Cause I don't fuck around with shit like that. I don't do quick 2 week crush things, and talking to all these guys at once and stuff like that. If I find someone that I like, I LIKE them.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM:

The guy I like, and legit like, lives 5 hours away from me in another state............... What the FUCK. Plus he's into me. Do you know how rare it is for someone to be interested in me???

By the way I'm not naive or anything, I realize he's in another state and I've totally done my own personal background check, he's not gonna kill me.

He's SOOO funny, so sweet, so nice, adorable, and we have very similar personalities. And did I mention he's interested in me? ME? We talk about meeting up all the time, and he makes jokes about getting married and everything and seriously, the thought of him runs through my head all day. He's like my addiction.

Weird story: So I was talking to my friend about how I've fallen for this kid and whatnot, and I'm scrolling through my tumblr account when I see this word text thing like "Talking to them on Skype and wishing you were there in the room with them." I don't know something like that. So I thought to myself, Hey that's kinda relates to me.... then I look at the source and it's from a tumblr called Longdistancethings, or something like that. And I click on it and it's a whole tumblr dedicated to long distance relationships or liking someone who doesn't live near you. COINCIDENCE OR WHAT. It might be a sign from God. Or maybe not at all.

Another thing: I kinda have issues because of my past relationships treating me like shit, so I find it hard to believe anyone could really like me, yaknow? And he just randomly tells me all the time how awesome I am, how funny I am, how cute I am, and I just act like myself so I don't really see what's special because I act like myself all the time and no one else seems to think it's so special. So what I'm trying to say is, he provides the stability I need.

I'm a junior btw, and he's a sophomore in college. And really, I just feel like we connect so well. I've never felt this with anyone guys. WHY DOES HE LIVE SO FUCKING FAR AWAY FROM ME?! So since I'm already vent seshing I'll just tell you everything. He is on a break with his "girlfriend" what do you even call them when you're on a break?? Anyways I said to him like dude you cannot be saying this stuff to me if you have a girlfriend, I mean I know I shouldn't stop you from having a relationship because we do live in different states...but you can't be saying this to me because its just unfair to her. And he really doesn't like her, she posts on his Facebook all the time and he doesn't answer any of her shit, it's quite funny actually. But I'm still jealous because I want to be the one in a relationship with him, not her. Like how does this situation even play out? I wish there was a guideline or something. Anyway, he likes red hair (his girlfriend doesn't have red hair:) ) but I do, and he was drunk before, and was texting me and I guess he's the "friendly" drunk because he was saying all of this stuff that he would NEVER say when he was sober, like fucking me and how sexy I am, because when we've talked before it wasn't sexual because he's not like that, but then he asked me to send him nudes and I said no and he stopped replying but I think he'll come to sense in the morning and text me and I know what you're thinking, how great a guy can he be if he asks you for nudes? But I'm blaming the drunkness because he really is great. So that happened and I got pissed and I can't talk to any of my friends about liking someone in a different state...so I came to tell my whole story to Xanga! It's really late and I think I'm going to get in trouble for being up late on the computer, but thanks for reading this if anyone did! And I'll fill you guys in later and DEFF. POST MORE QUOTE AND PICTUERS LIKE NORMAL. Thanks<3 Oh btw any comments or advice on anything would be appreciated, bye :)

 I'm "relapsing" so...update.

1.

I planned to say all these terrible things to you, but in the end, I just want to tell you I miss you. There was never a moment I tried to remember you because there was never a moment I forgot you.

2.

So once again, I feel my heart break over something that was in my head. But don't forget, I meant every word I should have left unsaid.

3.

I know that I should probably hurt so bad I can't feel a thing. I know that I should probably say something but I can barely breathe. And I'm sorry if I'm giving up to easy, I just don't have the strenght to fight anymore.

4.

You know, ever since I first met him, I always thought "Man, I hope I don't mess this up" Cause that's what I do, I mess things up. But you know what I never thought? "Man, I hope this doesn't mess ME up."

Comment or Subscribe cause I really feel like saying FUCK YOU to everyone who views this and doesn't do shit about ittttt :D tehe, pace